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26 May 2016

Of Monarchs and Milkweed


With the cacophony
of Interstate 35 traffic as a backdrop,
Tyler Seiboldt stands
on the side
of the freeway

with three other researchers,
all
scanning the ground.
Three ragweed, Seiboldt says to the group.
Litter one adds, Julian Chavez,

a research assistant
in the environmental science department.

Their seemingly indecipherable utterances
are the start of two days’ study
of plants along the interstate

from San Antonio
to Laredo
and back again.



From Of Monarchs & Milkweed by Michelle Mondo, Sombrillo, The UTSA Magazine. Submitted by Ash Connell.

23 May 2016

Julia Chesley is Moving to Cape Cod


Julia Chesley says the world keeps on spinning, but as for me, i haven't moved in years.
I strongly dislike catering. It is something I’m doing for now. I don’t want it to become my life. That makes me feel guilty every now & again. I’ll never be the one to take over my parents’ business
Julia Chesley is moving to Cape Cod in nine days.
Julia Chesley is moving to Cape Cod on THURSDAY!!
I just need a change from New Hampshire, from catering, from all the loneliness. I will leave my problems here, and just go.
Julia Chesley moves to Cape Cod TOMORROW!
I’m not really nervous at all.
Julia Chesley regrets procrastinating. Also (only slightly) regretful of the number of books to be moved. Oh dear...
My books are my best friends, and I need them. I can’t leave them. It would be like leaving pieces of my life.
Julia Chesley has the van loaded & is ready to go!
Rebecca Tolman Bryant wrote: Good luck! I hope you find what you are looking for.
Julia Chesley is moving today!! Much ♥ to NH...Cape Cod here I come!
Good bye New Hampshire! I'll be back to visit :) I'm moving to Cape Cod today. I'm excited & only a little nervous. No job yet, but the plan is to do whatever it takes to pay the bills in the beginning (i.e. waitress/caterer...eugh)...
Off on an adventure!
Julia Chesley lives on Cape Cod.
There, and writing it makes it so… if you can call this sea of boxes really living. Who am I without my sisters? Bailey, do you know?
Julia Chesley "I don't know who you're talking to/I made a search through every room,/but all I found was dust that moved/in shadows of the afternoon."
The apartment is so empty, so still.
Julia Chesley needs to find a second job. & fast.
Julia Chesley is making dinner.
For herself. Alone. Bailey watches me.
Kelsea Forsberg writes: how is the cape?!?! I'm so jealous Julia! Have you found a job or anything like that?
Ashley Campell wrote: How is your new life? ha ha
Julia Chesley HATES spiders. Eughhhh -shudders- NOT cool.
They are all over this house. And I think I see them everywhere. There was even one in my bed. I am not telling anyone about that one.
My status is: blank at the moment, but it might be “exists quietly” because, well, I do. I exist quietly.
Julia Chesley exists quietly.
Currently I am: feeling a little homesick and awfully lonely. Which in turn makes me feel pathetic. I’m 23. I ought to be more excited to start a new life.
Right now, I am listening to: the clock ticking inside and the birds chirping outside.
One of the things I miss most about college is the conversation. Intellectual, conscious, thought-provoking conversation.
Julia Chesley has killed 5 spiders in the past 2 hours. 2 in the bathroom, 1 in the livingroom, and 2 in the kitchen (one of which was the biggest one yet). HATEHATEHATE spiders :( :(
I love: my family, my friends, and my cat.
I hate: that I regret so much about my life.
Never in my life have I been: so uncertain.
My current annoyance is: the extraordinary number of spiders in this apartment.
Julia Chesley “the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap/And it teases you for weeks in its absence/But you'll fight and you'll make it through/You'll fake it if you have to” Rilo Kiley
My favorite animal is: cuddly, furry, and purrs. That would be a cat.
Julia Chesley is constantly amazed by the smallness of the world. I work with a woman who was in at least one of my English classes at PSU. Nice to see a friendly face!
I want to make the world a more beautiful place. I don’t know how just yet, but I know that it is something I want to do.
Julia Chesley has the day off & got a call from Casual Gourmet! Yay for a potential second job!!!
The thing I want to buy is: always more books.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: was groceries.
Julia Chesley has a second part time seasonal job. If I don't find a full time year round job...well, I'm not sure what will happen.
I read voraciously. My appetite for literature is huge & I wish I had someone to talk to about the things I read.
I’d rather buy a new book than buy groceries. & since I quit smoking, I have so much extra money to buy books! Savings account? Who needs that! Not when there are empty bookshelves to be filled!
Julia Chesley misses her sisters. A lot.
I don’t like children. Let me elaborate &/or rephrase that statement. It’s not that I don’t like children, I just don’t understand them. Or rather, they make me nervous.
Julia Chesley wishes she wasn't unhappy, but the truth is that she is.
I am looking forward to: figuring my life out.
Needless to say, I never went out for drama, nor did I pursue any creative writing avenues. I regret that. One of many regrets in my short life!
Julia Chesley I feel like a failure & just want to go back to NH where I have a job I'm good at that pays the bills, rent, while still allowing me to eat & purchase a book every now and then. :(
If I was an animal I'd: want to be a cat.
Julia Chesley thinks Bailey is sad too.
Julia Chesley misses New Hampshire. & her family. Oh, & having a job that pays the bills.
Fall is the best season, hands down. Perfect weather. Not too warm, not too cold. Just like baby bear’s porridge.
Julia Chesley wants to go home.
I am not very good at making decisions. I’ve had that same dilemma since I was young. Sorry if it’s frustrating! I just can’t say “yes” or “no” with certainty. It’s some sort of “have to please everyone” complex or something :p
Julia Chesley at least I tried.
Also, as far as affection goes, (& this is an example of my should-be-undisputed awkwardness) I can not initiate a hug. I’m not very good at hugging. I just don’t know how to do it. I do the awkward head bob from side to side, trying to figure out where my head goes & then WTF do you do with your arms?? It’s a source of major concern & confusion, which is complicated by the fact that I LOVE hugs & I wish I could hug someone every single GD day.
Julia Chesley knows what she needs to do for herself & is going to do it, no matter what anyone else might think or say.

I've decided to move back to NH.



Julia Chesley's Facebook updates, 2009. Submitted by Meg J. Petersen.

20 May 2016

Dear Shirley


Olive Garden’s new breadstick bun sandwiches
are makdeplanedg their debut
across AmBelaica this week

cashede of these days disbelieving June,
I thchengk you should plashedch yourself
somewhgonofe and then follow
an Olive Garden truck.

I suppose they will make it to
Tucsfertilisations, Ariz.,
but I am not sure if any of them
will get to the Forks.

I dbordered’t know about you, Shirley,
but I always have enjoyed the skIshtarny
breadstick buns with soup and/or salad
foundlings Olive Garden …

Thexemptionse will be people who
cbioecologisttJapanizationsue
gobblgrandparenthoodg
up the unlimited sklampreynianions buns.

Thbackhause probably will be people
optcloaksg for the new fentrantstblended
bun sandwiches.

Nobody federalization Olive Garden
evcheesed asked me whgroups I thought.
I just wrote down some

obsanathematisingvingrowthsienswathes
three years ago and ended up braided
nbufferedifaintheartednessal televisidefencive shows.

This is a crazy world we live grotesquery.
We stopped exalters this Olive Garden
for a ldespoile denamelingsngone.

We all had the soup and salad,
and it was vLatinisesy good.
We noticed thintegral the bread sticks

winjunctivee diffdivisionent
from othdecrepitly Olive Gardens'.
They seemed to have less
buttimmoderation and garlic.

The scontemporizingvice was a bit slow,
but it was adequcommiserativee.
The restaurant was busy,
even highwayman a lchillnesse hour.

The place was clean
and nicely
decoradolescentsed.



Almost invisibly small text at the bottom of a phishing email that appeared to be from a restaurant chain. Submitted by Manfred Gabriel and Dale Wisely.

16 May 2016

I'm afraid


I’m afraid of oncoming trains and that feeling
right before a train approaches and the wind is all around you,
when you have no choice but to submit to the surge.

I’m afraid of death, but not like normal death.
I died in a dream and floated above myself
as an amorphous gas. It was strange and terrifying.

I’m afraid of heights, when you are forced
to see just how big everything is around you
and how little it all has to do with you.

I’m afraid that I can only give love to people
I know will hurt me. If the right kind of love
came into my life, I wonder if I’d be able to accept it.

I’m afraid that if I told someone that I love them,
they would think it was stupid — like the Valentines’ card
that just gets thrown away. I don’t want to be thrown away.

I’m afraid I wasn’t good enough for him, and that’s why
he didn’t love me anymore. Years of him telling me
that wasn’t the case haven’t put to rest this nagging idea.

I’m afraid of owning things, other than clothes.
The things you let into your life break or break you.
I’m still learning how to live with the things that are broken.

I’m afraid I attach too much self-worth to what other people
think of me. I hate that I always expect him not to call
and am surprised when he does.

I’m afraid I only see the worst in people
or that I expect too much out of them.
This is a metaphor for expecting too much of myself.

I’m afraid that my father and I will never get to a point
where being around him doesn’t make me want to cry
both for no reason and for every reason.

I’m afraid I can’t stop secretly wanting his approval,
no matter how much he hurts me.
I’m afraid this is a cliché.

I’m afraid that everything inside of me is unoriginal,
not worthy of saying out loud. Sometimes I don’t open my mouth
because I’m worried about what will come out if I do.

I’m afraid that I spend so much time trying to do
something that I’ll feel proud of when I’m older
that I forget to be happy right now, in the moment.

I’m afraid that my worry’s not worthy of sharing,
so when people ask me how I am, I say “fine”.
I wouldn’t be able to tell them what’s wrong.

I’m afraid that when people read this they’ll think
I’m another whiny, spoiled, self-conscious twenty-something
that just needs to lighten up and relax.

I worry that I haven’t even earned the right to be anxious,
because what do I even know about suffering?
This makes me want to cry, but I don’t remember how.

I’m afraid you didn’t read this or finish it,
or that it got lost in the shuffle of the billions of things
and that I gave away a part of myself for nothing.

I’m also afraid that you’ll know exactly how I feel, too,
because you feel these same things every day.
I’m afraid that I’m not alone.



From 25 things I'm afraid of by Nico Lang, Thought Catalog, 4 December 2012. Submitted by Angi Holden.

12 May 2016

watching him with her


she sang
and he danced–
he is mad
or I am much mistaken



From The Philosophy of Grammar by Otto Jespersen (New York: The Norton Library, 1965), p. 90. Submitted by Catherine B. Krause.

09 May 2016

Revolutions #12 & 35


Every revolution
is a throw
of the dice.

Only violence
helps where
violence rules.

Who are
we anyway?

Eyes that
do not want
to close
at all times

when the green
of the earth
glistens anew.



English translations of Jean-Marie Straub and Daniele Huillet film titles, as found in MoMA member calendar, May/June 2016. Submitted by Howie Good.

05 May 2016

Man Adrift


He felt at times as if he were still in the Navy,
adrift on the sea, peering down through the vents

the way he used to squint through binoculars
on deck duty, keeping a lookout for objects

of interest. Life in the attic was humdrum.
His motel was a drydocked boat whose guests

endlessly watched television, exchanged
banalites, had sex mainly under the covers

if they had sex at all--and gave him so little
to write about that sometimes he wrote nothing at all.



From The Voyeur's Motel by Gay Talese, The New Yorker, 11 April 2016. Submitted by DawnCorrigan.

02 May 2016

Luminous


cross lights
water
sanctuary lights



A handwritten note in desk bought from a church in 2015. Submitted by Travis Poling.

28 April 2016

Letters to God


A great deal of my mail
comes from fans – fans of all ages.
The scholarly, the curious,
the disbelievers write and ask

how? why? when? what for?
did you fly? melt? scream? cackle?
appear? disappear? produce?
sky-write? deal with monkeys?

etc., etc., etc.



Actress Margaret Hamilton quoted on Hyperallergic, 3 April 2016. Submitted by Howie Good.

25 April 2016

Step two


although the thought that we wasted
money, misplaced our trust and threw away
our time sickens us to no end, we must

accept these logic-defying feats of idiocy
as learning experiences; otherwise, we will walk
no further on the NAA no-path. We must

say it again and again,
we’ve been toe fooled, we’ve been toe fooled, we’ve been
toe fooled.

are we home yet, Shanti? This must become our
anti-mantra, a non-affirmation
affirmation capable of penetrating our ether-filled minds,

helping us to admit that Jesus.com has nothing to
do with Nostradamus. Now is the time when we must
learn to question every Tom, Dick and Guru who shops

in a health food store, see that the only implants in
need of removal were inserted by the most dangerous E.T.
of all: Earth’s very own Extortion Terrestrials.

this is a difficult task indeed, for only those who’ve put their
inner children to bed know the difference between retail
spirituality and spiritual retaliation.



Excerpt from 12 Steps For The Recovering New Ager, New Age Anonymous. Submitted by Ana Prundaru.

21 April 2016

4 AM in the Morning


I saw my dad was on my mom
and my mom said
Go to the office.

My dad was hitting her
and when my dad left
he took my phone.

His friend
was blocking the stairs.
His friend’s name is James

and my dad kicked my mom
and he told me
to go in my room.

But I went to go get
my mom’s friend
who lives in our back house.

My dad knocked on my door
to the patio and I opened it
and he came in

and told me
to close the door
to the family room.

Then I heard yelling
and I came out
and my dad was hitting my mom.

It happened
at 4 am
in the morning.



An excerpt from a police report generated by boxer Floyd Mayweather’s young son, Karoun on 9 September 2010. Submitted by Richard King Perkins II.

14 April 2016

Filey


Almost mid-way betwixt
Scarborough and Bridlington,
Filey Brigg,
being a nose of cliff thrust out into the sea
to form a horn of Filey Bay.

Here, there, are sands
i n o n e v a s t g l o r i o u s e x p a n s e,
from the Brigg to the Bempton Cliffs –
six miles of them all round the bay,
so spacious that there could never be
any overcrowding.
The beach
shelves
gently.



From a chapter on Holidays in Every Woman’s Enquire Within: A Complete Library and Household Knowledge for all Home-Loving Women, ed. A C Marshall (London: George Newnes Ltd), 1939. Submitted by H L Foster.