Recent Posts

17 December 2015

You have parked so badly


You have parked so badly
making it very difficult for me
to get my car out.

Were you drunk?
You are certainly very selfish
and inconsiderate.

S. Banks.



A handwritten note left on the windscreen of a badly parked car in Bristol, UK. Submitted by Daniel Mehmet.

14 December 2015

Rust Belt Americana


Searching for Pittsburgh
Going there
To see if something comes next
Finding something
How to love the dead

A year later
Explicating the twilight
What is there to say?
A ghost sings, a door opens
The container for the thing contained

Older women
Carrying torches at noon
Tear it down

The white heart of God
Almost happy



From the title index of The Great Fires, Jack Gilbert (Alfred A Knopf, 2008). Submitted by Howie Good.

10 December 2015

Mundesley


We may come to the
sands through pathways cut in the
cliff, and the tide leaves

on these priceless shores
long lagoons which are
the delight of children’s hearts.



From a chapter on Holidays in Every Woman’s Enquire Within: A Complete Library and Household Knowledge for all Home-Loving Women, ed. A C Marshall (London: George Newnes Ltd). Estimated to be from the 1930s. Submitted by H L Foster.

08 December 2015

A modern gentleman


Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms, breaks
a relationship face to face
has read ​Pride and Prejudice, demonstrates
that making love is neither a race
nor a competition. Never lets a door
slam in someone’s face, is unafraid
to speak the truth, arrives five minutes before,
possesses at least one dark suit, well-made.
Can undo a bra with one hand, has two
tricks to entertain children, can prepare
a bonfire, says his name when introduced,
cooks an omelette to die for. Knows that there
is always an exception to a rule;
avoids lilac socks, polishes his shoes.



From Revealed: The 39 steps to being a modern gentleman, The Telegraph, 28 October 2015. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

30 November 2015

The Great Illuminati Family


Hello

I am Sir Victor smith

I am one of the agents
Sent by the high priest
To bring as many of those who are interested in becoming a member of the Illuminati
To the great Illuminati temple.

I am a business man

I own companies all over the world but I was once like you

I could not even feed my family
What kind of life was that to live

I lived in poverty
Until I saw an opportunity
To be a member of the great Illuminati Family.

And I took my chances
And I have been a member for close to seven years now

Illuminati makes your business / careers grow
These and many more other benefits

So if you are interested write me via my mail:
victorsmith101@yahoo.com



Comment left in a website guestbook, found during moderation and not published, 2 August 2015. Submitted by Tim Benjamin.

26 November 2015

Soil, sand, dust


If anyone sees that sand or dust is falling on him,
then he will become very rich
and own a lot of property.

If he sees that he is walking in dust and sand
or he sees that he is loaded with the soil,
then he will have to toil much to get wealth
and he will get plenty of it.

If anyone sees that dust is suspended in the sky,
then it is a sign that his affairs
will become complicated.

If a person sees that he is digging the earth
and eating its oil
then he will be devouring wealth
with deceit and falsehood,
because “earth” means
a false religion.

A wilderness of horror
has the same interpretation.



From Interpretation of Dreams, Imam Muhammad Bin Sirin (Ahmadiyya Muslim Mission Nigeria, 1979). Submitted by Dale Wisely.

23 November 2015

And We Provided Frances Crammer Greenman with a Model


The telephone rang in the Newspaper Room. It was
Francis Crammer Greenman. A friend had just called
from the Library to tell her
that a type she had been looking for for a picture
was sitting in the Newspaper Room.
It was an old man with a beard.

Would the assistant hold him until she got there —
she was six blocks away?
The man had left.
But they thought he had gone to the Magazine Room.
The call was transferred: the man was found
by Reference in our room.
He stayed. She came.
They left together.



From the Daily Happenings log of the New York Public Library Reference Room, June 1952. Submitted by John FitzGerald.

19 November 2015

Louboutin pas cher


Sometimes weak
with your face about powerful creatures
their assailants, louboutin pas cher

Numerous times
for more information on forg louboutin
et the fear, forget escape

People call
this condition called scared no point
Qin Feng today, everywhere

In the such and all, in one state



Some Wordpress spam. Submitted by Ffion Lindsay.

16 November 2015

Joy


Remove all sharp objects from jumper!
Do not use when smoking!
Do not use with high blood pressure!
Do not use during pregnancy!
Do not use when suffering!
Do not use somersaults!
Use only bare foots!



The warning notice packaged with a trampoline kit from the Big Bounce trampoline company. Submitted by Emma Neale.

12 November 2015

Doing your duty!


I’m a patriotic husband,
you my patriotic wife,
lemme book into ya camp
and manufacture life.

Only financially secure adults
in stable, committed, long-term
relationships should participate.



A song encouraging Singaporeans to have more babies, reported in Baby Love, The Economist, 25 July 2015. Submitted by Rishi Dastidar.

09 November 2015

A holiday from time


It makes me remember
all the times we’ve been together
absolutely alone in some suspended hour
a holiday from Time
prowling about in those quiet places
alienated from past and future
where there is no sound save listening
and vision is an anesthetic…

When I see how handsome you are
my stomach will fall
with many unpleasant emotions
like a cake with too many raisins
and I will want to shut you up in a closet
like a dress too beautiful to wear.



A letter from Zelda Fitzgerald to her husband F. Scott Fitzgerald in 1931. Submitted by Grace Andreacchi.

05 November 2015

I'm a Nurse with a Vice


off duty without a friend, a hobby to console me,
or the price of a cinema ticket, what can I do?

I enter a little shop down the road, furtively,
and ask the woman for my favourite brand.

I sneak back to my room and lock the door
against everyone. Then out comes the teaspoon

I filched from the dining room. I indulge in an orgy
of onions, gherkins, piccalilli, mustard and spice.

Yes, I finish the whole jar. Then I wash my hands,
clean my teeth, and can face the world. Maybe

it’s because pickles aren’t provided in our meals.
Or maybe my nature requires still more acid.

Mother says the vinegar will dry up my blood
and I’ll be preserved. But, oh, what a glorious end.



From a letter to an old edition of Woman magazine sent in by Miss J.D. Huddersfield of Yorkshire. Submitted by Angela Readman.